E.R. RAMACHANDRAN writes: I had the fortune of eating Masale Dose around the same time that he ate his at MTR, except I ate mine at Udupi Krishna Bhavan in Chikkapete just a couple of kilometres away.
This unique experience was good enough for me wish good luck for the most well-dressed man in Indian politics after Jawaharlal Nehru and equally as well-read, India’s newest external affairs minister.
Using this badarayana sambandha, I sought Shri Krishna’s help for an interview with Timothy Roemer, the new US ambassador to India.
Roemer is a member of the Center for National Policy, member of the 9 /11 Commission, and member of the famous ‘Weapons of Mass Destruction’ team.
If he were in India I would have taken Roemer to MTR or Udupi Shri Krishna Bhavan, equivalent to Five Guys, for a Dose. However, he graciously agreed to do the interview over the phone.
“Congratulations, Mr Roemer, on being appointed as Ambassador,” I started off.
“Thank you. I look forward to the work ahead in India. Go on, shoot.” Ambassador Roemer was crisp and to the point.
“Mr. Ambassador, as Pakistan’s immediate neighbour, we are concerned with what’s going on in Pakistan. How do you read the situation there?”
“Well, let’s see. There is the Taliban, militant organizations like Al Qaeda and LeT, ISI, the Pakistani government, Baluchis and the tribals. What’s happening there appears to be an interplay of multiple elements operating independently or sometimes collectively but criss-crossing edgeways. This is a polynomial equation of nth degree with indeterminates floating all over and I wonder if any mathematical solution exists for this at all. A simple answer would be: we don’t know what’s going on there. Period.”
“I thank you for the insightful clarity on the subject. The new Government under president Obama has identified ‘Good’ Taliban and ‘Bad’ Taliban. Could you elaborate on that?”
“They are similar to good cholesterol and bad cholesterol, I guess; which means you try to reduce the bad Taliban and increase the good Taliban like you do with cholesterol. But the problem is how to identify the good eggs from the bad ones? That could take years and any egg, good or bad, starts smelling after sometime making the whole package stink.”
“Your Af-Pak policy hasn’t taken off yet.”
“It has been a bit of a Fak-Ap so far, isn’t it? We coined the term as it sounded good on the ear, but we have yet to prepare the ground to bring the Afghans and Pakis together. It is quite difficult to make Pakistan agree to anything.”
“Most of the aid you have given to Pakistan has been used to buy arms. They have nothing done to stop militants acting against India from their soil. We don’t even know who is in charge in Pakistan.”
“We face the same problem too when we want to give them money! I would advocate patience here. Patience is India’s virtue since the time of the Vedas. You must also remember they are fighting our terrorists—the Al Qaeda—with all seriousness. Pakistan gets easily upset and distracted when we mention the word ‘India’ to them. Our advice to India is: maintain a low profile, so that Pakistan can concentrate on the job at hand.”
“Your ‘Congressional Report’ quotes Admiral Mullen saying Pakistan has stacked up 60 nukes pointing towards India and many more in the pipeline, whereas you want a low profile from India?”
“Did they publish the report? I’d be damned! Our administration has been mule-headed to make the Report public.”
“Mr Ambassador, just share with us what exactly is your policy if you have one? Fight only Al Qaeda and leave other terrorists to do as they please. Fund Pakistan to the teeth so that they stack their nuclear arsenal to fight India?”
“I wish I could answer that. Within our own administartion, there are as many indeterminate layers operating like in Pakistan. The Senate, the Congress and their congressional committees, the State department, the White House and the DOD all have a say on our policy. We have no clue who is forming the policy, what it is, and who is implementing which policy. That is what I hope to find out by the time I leave India!”
“Thank you for your illuminating replies, Mr Ambassador. We understand your policies much better now!” I replied.
Somanahalli Mallaiah Krishna, as chief minister, had an unsuccessful wild goose chase involving the one-man army or terrorist that was Veerappan. At MEA, I hope he has better luck fighting an army of terrorists partly sponsored by government with lavish funds from abroad.
Will he succeed in the first 100 days, say before Gokulashtami?
Photographs: S.M. Krishna in his many moods. Top left, yesterday; right, on the day he took over as Union minister for external affairs, and bottom, during the election campaign in Karnataka last year.
Tags: Af-Pak, Al Qaeda, Barack Obama, Churumuri, ISI, LeT, MEA, MTR, Osama bin Laden, S.M. Krishna, Sans Serif, Timothy Roemer, Veerappan
2 June 2009 at 2:45 pm
Very Well Dressed, may be.
Bandhgalas in Delhi! :D
Best dressed Indian politician is MK Gandhi, he’s the only one with the sanest attire in this tropical country.
2 June 2009 at 7:35 pm
Fak-Ap policy! Thats the best critique of this policy that ive ever read. Great going ERR
2 June 2009 at 7:43 pm
A giant logo of Coffee Day and a sugary sweet piece on Siddhartha on the day S.M. Krishna was sworn in. A picture of the “R” woman with a tangential reference to the man over the weekend. Three pictures of S.M. Krishna a week later with an unctuous headline.
What’s brewing, churumuri?
2 June 2009 at 8:53 pm
dont go by the dressing. we all know what happened last time to the other well dressed man – shivraj patil. me feels krishna will be a disaster as the external affairs minister. mainly bcos indian external affairs would be passing through turbulent times and krishna just doesnt have the crisis management experience. he could not handle a single veerapan.
2 June 2009 at 9:37 pm
No teeth, no hair. What’s he got that can be mentioned in public?
2 June 2009 at 10:27 pm
He has all the trappings of Shivraj patil ! This guy is a non performer and much over hyped whose ability to take decisions in crisis situation is very suspect. I remember from the Rajkumar abduction days how he let Karunanidhi run the show and the press conferences while he sat helpless like he was a intern . He claim to fame were the days of promises of making bengaluru like singapore with power point presentations which was kinda of hit among english media and IT crowds while rest of karnataka stagnated. fashion ,wigs are his forte. Dont know much it will help in the job.
2 June 2009 at 10:53 pm
From the top 2 photos, one can infer that SMK has bought a new all black hair piece and had a dermabrasion facial after he became the Foriegn Minister.
3 June 2009 at 12:39 am
devadiga,
You are absolutely right. SMK is a very good media manager, he was consistently chosen as the best CM for 3 years proves the point. Also, BDA sites to the likes of Pradeep Sebastian and other journos might have done the trick too.
He can be disastrous during times of crisis. Like when Dr.Raj was abducted, the only thing this guy was doing was go to various temples and do special poojas for the early release of Dr.Raj, and take the prasada to Parvathamma and sons at their residence.
3 June 2009 at 6:23 am
We are more concerned about the best dressed than the least dressed. Check this site!
http://janaganarann..com/
4 June 2009 at 2:37 pm
Third photo reminds me pandari bai telling ‘shiva shiva’ closing her ears!.. Also Kiran Kher in Om shanti om.
4 June 2009 at 11:33 pm
No matter what anyone has to say, I was most happy to see him take over that position in the government. He is very capable. Cant count his capability with something like veerapan issue, bcz no one could handle that. Overall look at what he gave bangalore, he was the head behind all the jobs we have today, and I thank him dearly for that. Bangalore was a much better city under his leadership. He is a human and might have failed, but what he achieved speaks of his capabilities, which NO ONE after him could achieve.
I am not a lot into politics yet I am S.M. Krishna’s BIGGEST FAN
7 June 2009 at 4:46 pm
best dressed former home minister Shivraj Patil days were disastrous to the country. We should be more concerned about SM Krishna’s knowledge and diplomacy, not his attire!!
Of course dress is important, but that is secondary.
20 June 2009 at 10:05 am
SMk needs to change his hair do and copy Harsha Bogle’s which has been endorsed by Saurav Ganguli, to be considered for best dressed catagory!
Best dessed man till then is Dr.MKK Nidhi followed by smaller nidhi. Senior has the voice and attitude to match too.